How do I really feel about his female friends?
If you would’ve asked me about my husband’s female friends back when we were just dating you would’ve gotten a completely different answer than the one I’d give now. Let’s take it back. The dumb-dumb I dated prior to my husband made me really pay attention to red flags. But I didn’t realize there were red flags until the relationship was already over. I was naive and way too trusting. So I said, “no more!”. So bam, I became skeptical and territorial. Not a good match. Plus, I knew my husband was a rare one, and I, being the pain in the ass that I am, wanted to keep what was mine. Sometimes I stupidly let my insecurities lead the way in my suspicions but I was young. Chill, not ever girl is out to get your man.
I have to say, something happened around the age of 22-23 and I had an epiphany. Sure, my husband is amazing, but what the f*ck, so am I. That’s when I let it go. I let go of trying to keep him and just focused on loving him. If it was meant to be, then my love would be enough. I stuffed my “crazy” in the closet for a more necessary occasion than jealousy.
But what do I think of female friends now? Back to the question at hand, can men and women be just friends? Perhaps my judgement on the matter is a bit clouded because my husband and I were “just friends”. Actually, I believe every relationship I ever had blossomed from a friendship. So, in short, no, I don’t think men and women can be “just friends” with out some restrictions. Wait, wait, hear me out. What I mean to say is, their friendship is different. There are do’s and don’ts. For instance if I had one of my girlfriends over I’d have her in my room watching reruns of “Sex in the City” but would I not be a fool to do the same with a male friend? Would I not be sending mixed signals? I mean, some men are always waiting in multiple “friend-zones” until you or at least one of their female friends have a problem with their boyfriend/husband. You also might be thinking, okay, but don’t you trust your man? Again, I think, men and women can be friends under certain situations and under certain circumstances. I don’t think they can spend a lot of time alone together, share intimate secrets, or be available to each other at all times–day or night and be “just friends”. I’m sorry, and I know many of you will think I’m crazy, and I’m jealous or insecure, but truthfully I’ve had guy friends who I never suspected, confess their feelings for me when they saw an opportunity or window.
I think friendships can be very intimate. But under the right circumstances I think these friendships can work and sometimes be beneficial. For instance casual friendships that develop at work (although some will argue that most affairs occur at the workplace), or couples we double date with. I will like to state for the record, I haven’t imposed this view on my husband but we’re pretty much on the same page with this one. I don’t believe in leaving room for mixed signals. If she’s really your friend she’ll become my friend too or at least we will become well acquainted. And I think female intuition is no joke, and I usually go with that. So, male and female friendships play by different rules and there’s a thin line between lovers and friends. Aren’t the best relationships those that consider themselves both after all?