relationships

I don’t want an “old school” love. 

I don’t want “old school” love.
You didn’t read wrong. I said I DON’T want an old school love. For a while now, it’s been the thing to say. Our generation is quick to say that we want what our parents or grandparents had, the type of relationship that lasted a lifetime. But was it the way we think it was? Were relationships back then really stronger, better, and healthier? Have we destroyed chivalry, courting, or the very foundation of marriage? I don’t think so. I want a new school love, by today’s standards. Why? I’m glad you asked. Here’s my top 5 reasons:

1. Options.

I don’t know about your parents or grandparents and it’s different for every culture, but back then their options were limited. There were restrictions based on religion and race for instance. Couples still faced a lot of resistance if they were interracial or practiced different religions. Sometimes, it even mattered where they were from. We still face some of these issues now, but it’s not nearly as bad. Plus, dating around was frowned upon and women were seen as old maids if they weren’t married by 30 or younger, which caused a lot to rush to the alter. 

2. For love. 

I’m not saying this applies to all, but most couples from “back in the day” have said that the secret to their long lasting marriages was just the simple fact that they had to stay together. For many, even if they were unhappy, they stayed for fear of being judged, as divorce was still seen as embarrassing or sinful, or for financial security. A lot of these couples stayed together despite infidelities, unhappiness, and falling out of love or maybe not even ever being in love. 

3. Pressure.

Back then, even before most were ready they were told to marry and have children. Though we still get some pressure from our families now, most parents want their children to get an education first or at least live a little before settling down. Or at least, the steps don’t need to be as uniform as back then. Marriages are happening on their own terms and conditions now, to fit the needs of individual couples, not society. Also, some couples live happily with out needing to marry. Some don’t want kids. Whatever it is, it’s more excepted today. 

4. Second chances. 

There are way more laws and more rights that we have today that protect us. We don’t have to stay for fear that we will have to divorce we will be left with out a thing or our children will not be cared for. There’s less of a stigma for divorcées. We don’t have to wait for “death do us part” if the relationship itself has already died. Of course divorce is not easy in anyway and there’s usually one loser (a very sore one at that) but it’s not the end of the world. 

5. Help.

There are so many resources for couples in need of help. There’s counseling or couples therapy or even marriage counselors. There’s a wealth of information online and so many ways to save or at least try to save a marriage. Back then, most would laugh at therapy or be embarrassed to suggest it. 

Now, I will admit we face a lot of issues especially with social media, but I don’t think we are doomed. I just think we need to make the necessary adjustments. I think real love still exists but if we chase “old school” love in a new world, we may come up empty handed. It’s kind of like wanting a fairytale. These fairytales often end where the marriages just began. We have no idea what happened after Cinderella and the Prince said “I do”.

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