Defending our decision to only have one child.
People are shocked when my husband and I say we are “team one and done”, that we only want one child. Usually a debate erupts and people try to convince us that we are selfish or crazy for not having at least one more. We usually cock our heads to the side and are baffled by their theories and reasons. More baffling perhaps, the people that try to convince us to have more are usually complaining about having too many. Also, all of the negative myths about having only one child are frustrating. Here’s why we decided one is enough for us. To all on my team “one and done” I feel you!
1. Time is money.
A lot of people assume our decision is based on finances. But having a second child wouldn’t be that much more. We already have a lot from our first and learned so many ways to save that it might actually be cheaper the second time around, for us at least. We actually based our decision on the amount of time we have to give. With demanding careers and family obligations, time is not easy to come by. We are adamant in raising our child a certain way and want to be there as much as possible. We have all the time for our daughter.
2. Three is company.
Almost everyone tells us that our daughter needs someone to play with or that she needs company. Isn’t it kind of silly to tell your second child that they were made to be a playmate or a companion? Also, there are plenty of thriving and successful people who were an only child like Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Alicia Keys, and Betty White just to name a few. Further more, speaking from experience, not all siblings get along unfortunately. I know many of you that have siblings find it difficult to understand how an only child would not feel lonely but that’s what cousins and friends are for. You may not be able to picture your life with out your siblings but an only child may not be able to picture their life any differently either. Only children are not lonely.
3. We can’t pour from an empty glass.
As all parents of a newborn will tell you, it’s draining. Most parents with 2 or more children seem like they are stuck in the newborn phase. They’re always tired, overworked, stressed, sometimes financially unstable, and overall they seem overwhelmed. Though this isn’t true for everyone, some people can easily juggle a soccer team of children but we know personally that we cannot. It just is what it is. We know our limit and why take on more than we can handle? It’ll make us zombies instead of parents.
4. Our “village” is a little small.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and I believe this to be true. Our village is very small. Also, we believe in others helping out in small ways and that we should be the major roles in our daughters life. She is our responsibility and also, we really want to enjoy her more than anyone else. What I mean to say is, having one, allows us to use help sparingly. We can provide most of her care on our own with little to no help. It’s still a lot of work, but it’s doable between us two.
5. It suits our lifestyle.
As you probably noticed there’s a common theme here, having one just suits us. Why try to live at someone else’s standards? I’m not saying those that have multiple children are wrong. I’m saying those that have more than they can physically, financially, and mentally handle are putting unrealistic expectations on themselves. I don’t care what anyone says, the happier we are, the happier we can make sure she will be.
6. We are realistic.
We are not selfish. Some people have more children because they miss the newborn phase and have a hard time that their previous children “grew up too fast”. Some have more children so they have options for care when they get older. Some reasons for having more are selfish in their own right. Also, having more than you can take care of is unfair to your children. To each its own, but I don’t want to complain about the burden of having more than I can handle. We know our limit.
So, you guys can stop nagging us about the importance of having more children. Who knows, maybe I’ll be crazy enough and change my mind one day. I doubt it though. But it’s something we really discussed and thought about. But I mean, if you’re going to try to convince us, maybe stop complaining about your children, huh? Saying your life is like a circus or you’re life is in shambles. Stop complaining about the cost of daycare, your bills piling up, the stress on your marriage,and then telling me I should join in on the “fun”. No thank you. They say the first born is the most successful. And we all heard horror stories about the middle child (hello to those reading this, ha). It’s also proven that statistically only children are more likely to be successful. They get more attention, more one on one time, and have more of a financial advantage. An only child is not at a disadvantage, they’re not lonely, and they’re not spoiled. You can click below for some other article that discuss the myths associated with having one child if you require further reading. But either way we are satisfied with a family of three.