10 questions to ask before you get married.
While you’re blissfully engaged or dating you may overlook a few key things that you should discuss before you say “I do”. Don’t overlook these 10 questions that most wait too long to ask.
1. Are you in debt?
Money is still the number one reason for marital issues. You shouldn’t go in blindly. After all, planning a wedding is already pricey, you wouldn’t want debt on top of that. Starting at a disadvantage financially can cause even more stress on top of adjusting to married life. They say the first year is the hardest and adding financial troubles will only increase stress.
2. Do you want children? How many and how soon?
Don’t assume your partner wants children just because you do and even if you both want children you may not want them at the same time. You should know if it’s soon or later down the road or if it’s in the cards at all. No one should be pressured into having children if they do not want to or having them before they are ready.
3. Who will care for our children?
This one is often overlooked. You may assume this is a discussion you don’t need to have or may hold off until you’ve already had a baby. Your spouse may want to be a stay at home mom/dad or may feel comfortable with their mother watching your child while you may have a completely different idea. Will you rely on a nanny? Daycare? Family member? Often times you may feel more comfortable with your family than theirs or may prefer daycare while they prefer to stay home.
4. How will we split the bills and chores?
Sharing responsibility can be tricky but it’s necessary. Most husbands and wives fight over money like I mentioned before but also chores. One usually feels that they do more than the other. Don’t assume your spouse knows how to cook and clean or even if they do, don’t assume they’ll do all the cooking and cleaning.
5. If we could, or had to, would you be willing to move?
Maybe you want to move later on down the road or maybe you’ve considered moving for your career. Or perhaps you firmly planted roots and will never consider moving. You should know if this would be a possibility and if so, would either of you consider it as an option.
6. What type of family responsibilities do you have?
As they say, you’re not just marrying someone but also marrying their family as well. You may not realize how much your partner’s family depends on them. They may provide financially or may care for a relative. Some of this responsibility can fall on you or affect your relationship as it may take up time or money that you share. You also may want to discuss your aging parents and if there’s a possibility that they will live with you in the future. Is this something you’ll consider?
7. Will there be a conflict in religion or political views?
Can you two respect each other’s differences if there are any? How will you raise your children? Are you willing to convert or change your views? If not, will you be able to allow the other to be comfortable in their decision? Sometimes opposites attract but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. You wouldn’t want to hope or ask for them to change if it’s not what they truly want.
8. How will we spend the holidays? With which side of the family?
This one can be tricky. You might think it’ll be an easy compromise, that you’ll take turns or alternate. Sometimes it’s not always that simple. Families are rooted in their traditions and it can be difficult to change.
9. What do you expect from a husband/wife?
You may be surprised to find out your spouse expects you to cook, clean, and be a stay at home mom/dad or maybe your spouse has a completely different idea.
10. What are your goals and aspirations?
Where do you see yourself in 5 or even 10 years from now? Are you two on the same page? Do you want similar things? Maybe in 5 years you see yourself with two children, a dog, a bigger home, and a new career while your spouse may not want children that soon, wants to downgrade to an apartment, and start a business.
Now, truth be told you could discuss everything before marriage and still have issues. Adjusting to marriage has its ups and downs, but certain things should not be overlooked or assumed. Above are the most common issues couples face once they are married and often wait until much later to have conversations about. Be open about your finances, your expectations, your desires, your beliefs, and your aspirations. The most common issues are money, children, and dealing with in-laws. And too often we wait until we are angry to discuss these differences. Take a look around at other married couples you may know, see what are their common arguments are about. Some discussions are worth having before your trip down the isle. What would you add to the list?