motherhood relationships

It’s still okay to be a stay at home mom. 

It’s still okay to be a stay at home mom.
As generations have changed, so have the views on a women’s role. Way back, women were told they had to stay home with their children and were not encouraged to pursue careers. My generation was taught to never depend on anyone, especially your husband for financial stability. Staying at home with your kids is frowned upon. I never imagined being a stay at home mom and have always been career driven and I’ve had a job since I was a teenager. But once my husband and I decided to have a child, we both agreed that we wanted her to be raised primarily by at least one of us who would be available as much as possible. I didn’t want to be with out a job, but wanted to be around and available more than a traditional job would allow. My husband’s career could not take a back seat and since I was still figuring out what I wanted to do, I decided I would work from home. Two years before I had my daughter I started an in home daycare. Things were bumpy for the first year or so and then business started to take off just when I found out I was pregnant. Long story short, it was difficult to run a fairly new business on my own while pregnant. I had some what of a complicated pregnancy and had to eventually close my daycare and focus on my and the baby’s health. Instantly I began to freak out. How could I depend on my husband? Will this ruin my marriage? What kind of example would I be to my daughter? Would people think I was lazy? 
I did get a lot of backlash. I still get a lot of backlash. How could I give up my independence? You mean, how dare I depend on my husband momentarily? Gasp, the horror. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, marriage is a merger. It’s some what of a business partnership. It’s an agreement to take care of each other. 

I don’t think I gave up my independence but rather I put my career on hold. We need to rethink the way we view independence. For men and women it’s so different. A man who has a job but cannot cook or clean for himself is still seen as independent. Where a woman on the other hand must do it all. Stay at home moms are seen as a sad example for a modern day woman. We should have the husband, career, and children. It took a lot of bravery and faith in my marriage to make this decision. I see it as a blessing that I am able to have this option. Though it’s not easy and it’s a big adjustment, I’m taking my time and soaking it up. Stay at home moms are just moms like the rest of you, that are able to stay at home with their children and have decided to do so. 
I am independent in my own way. But sometimes I need help. That’s okay. I am not setting women back a hundred years. It’s still okay to be a woman who wants to stay at home and heal from pregnancy and giving birth. It’s still okay to stay at home and adjust to being a mother. It’s okay to take time to raise your child, if you can. We fight for equal rights and so badly want to be seen as equals, and in some ways we are. But in a lot of ways we are very different from men. We can do things they cannot. And sometimes these things, like pregnancy and giving birth, require time to heal. They depend on us for many things as well, and it’s okay that we may need to depend on our husbands at times too. There’s so much that is beautifully complicated about being a woman and we should be allowed to be all these things. I promise you, I may be loosing my mind at times, but I have not lost my identity. I’m aware that I should always be able to provide for myself, just in case. But I’m also aware that I only get this experience once and I’m not going to ashamed of pausing other things in my life to focus on my family. 

Follow me on Facebook & Instagram!

3 comments

  1. YES. Like I feel like you need to be a friend of mine because I feel so lost in this. We always planned for daycare and now that I’m due in July, I’m panicking and deciding to try to stay home longer. I’ve always been work-driven but I’m feeling differently all of a sudden. It brings tears to my eyes to think of dropping her off with someone else every day. Hoping my husband’s new job brings plenty of commission to make it a comfortable transition instead of tight.

    But I feel those same feelings that you did. I’m afraid I’ll be judged.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you. Could you possibly work part time instead? Or perhaps work from home in anyway? I do believe it is worth staying home, even if it’s just for a little while. Not all moms can, and I know it’s difficult. But I hope you find a way. Most women only get 6-12 weeks off from work, and that’s definitely not enough. Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have to scrape together vacation and sick days to make 6 weeks happen, but it’s already breaking my heart. I work for a bank, so unfortunately they don’t allow part-time in my capacity.

        I’m gonna keep trying because it’s important to me as well! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s