It’s not always obvious when a relationship is over.
“It’s as though, we are conditioned to only allow a relationship to come to and end if there’s this big pivotal moment that explodes in our faces.”
Every time someone’s relationship ends, we are all tempted to ask, “what happened”? Cheating? Money problems? Fighting?Simply hearing things like we “grew apart” or “it just didn’t work out” are never satisfying enough. It’s as though, we are conditioned to only allow a relationship to come to and end if there’s this big pivotal moment that explodes in our faces.
“Every relationship has its hiccups and every couple has their fights, but sometimes in the silence and in the calm, relationship die too.”
But what if there’s no explosion? What if your relationship is over and you don’t even realize it? Every relationship has its hiccups and every couple has their fights, but sometimes in the silence and in the calm, relationship die too. When we find ourselves unhappy in a relatively good relationship we tell ourselves it’s just a phase, a rut, or perhaps if the timing is right it’s that 7 year itch. No one throws a fit. No one threatens to leave. Often times, no one says a word. After all, things are okay.
Perhaps you’re comfortable. You’ve found yourself in a routine. And, what’s wrong with that? But it’s not boredom. Deep down you know it’s more than that. Sometimes, though we keep a routine in our every day lives, we forget to routinely check in on our significant others. More importantly, we forget to check in on ourselves. Are the things that used to make us happy still making us happy? Are we being cared for the same way we are caring for others? Do we feel loved? In a nutshell, is this relationship still everything that you need?
After dating for years and even after marriage, a lot of the risks we take in a relationships are long gone. That adrenaline we felt when we took a chance and leaned in for that first kiss, asking for their hand in marriage, or walking down the isle, it’s gone. So, it’s easy to think, in the calm, we are just cruising. But you may not be able to shake the feeling of emptiness and uneasiness. You may even feel guilty for thinking this way. But you have every right to.
“If you feel lost even though you are in the most familiar place, don’t ignore that feeling.”
The absence of fighting does not mean things are okay. If you feel lost even though you are in the most familiar place, don’t ignore that feeling. Instead embrace it. It’s your soul, your spirit, or whatever you believe it, sounding off alarms so that you snap out of it. Your brain, your heart, or whatever, is shouting that something is wrong.
We all need nourishment, and I don’t mean just food. We need deep and meaningful connections. We need to take chances and have people take chances on us. If you feel as though your relationship is just floating down hill, I’m not saying it will not work out, but it’s coming to and end if you do nothing.
This notion of comfortability being the happiness we seek is a lie. The idea that a happy relationship is still, quiet, and easy is a lie. You do not need a big sign to let you know that it’s over. And it’s never really over until it’s over. So fight for it if it’s worth it, and if it’s not, don’t wait for the world to tell you it’s okay to walk away.
Some relationships end after 3 years and yet no one decides it’s over until 12 years have passed by. Do you feel this way? If you don’t even feel like gathering the energy or making a fuss, it’s already over. What I’m saying is, you don’t always need a huge disagreement or a horrible fight in order to end a relationship. A lot of little things can also kill a relationship, just at a slower pace.
If there’s love still there, it’s always worth a try. But so many of us are in relationships that are over, that we’ve outgrown or that no longer make us happy, yet we hold on because it’s easy and familiar. Because “we just grew apart” or “it just didn’t work out” is not enough to leave. But we need to remember “comfortable” and “easy” are not enough to stay.