We get a bad rap, the women that dump their friends when they’re in love. But let me explain. Whenever I was in a relationship, a serious relationship, I was usually one of those girls that had trouble balancing friendships with my significant other. People think girls like that are selfish, bad friends, or opportunistic. When we no longer need our friends, we dump them. But that’s not the truth. Though I’m not advocating women letting go all of their friendships and only honing in on their love interest, some friendships just don’t make sense anymore once you’re in love.
Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime. And with the birth of social media, it’s difficult to let friendships fade away naturally like they were probably meant to. Do you really think we’re all meant to keep in contact with every friend we made since pre-school? But back to my original point. I noticed that I wasn’t able to be as available to my single friends as I was before. Often times, kind of like with motherhood, it’s hard to balance friendships and a relationship and I felt like I had to choose.
“I’m not saying you should become a loner, but sometimes you have to cut the fat and simplify your life.”
The best case scenario would be to merge the two, but most single friends don’t want to feel like the third wheel. And also, some friendships occur when you’re in a different place in your life and they serve their purpose and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying it has to be an official breakup and things have to end badly, but with certain people, I chose my relationship over their friendship.
Sometimes having a ton of friends equates to a ton of issues. Especially if you’re just holding on because you feel like you have to. You’ve probably heard the famous and deep quote of biggie smalls, “Mo money, mo problems”. I think the same applies to friends. I’m not saying you should become a loner, but sometimes you have to cut the fat and simplify your life. I can only be in one place at one time, and I can’t “act single” if I want my relationship to grow. And as my relationships deepened, I changed. We often see this as a negative thing, changing once we’re in love. But isn’t that what love is supposed to do?
“I don’t think if we prioritize a relationship that could actually turn out to be “the one” we should feel guilty.”
Now, I’m NOT one of those people that go running back if the relationship didn’t work out. And I’m not one of those girls that had bad relationships and dumped my friends when things were great and wanted them back when things got bad. And again, I don’t believe in ending friendships altogether, I just believe in making adjustments. Just as when I became a mother, my priorities shifted. Things change when your life changes, you change. Change is a part of life. (I know, I’m so specific). I don’t think if we prioritize a relationship that could actually turn out to be “the one” we should feel guilty. It’s difficult to have your life be a perfect blend of your single life and your life now that you’re no longer single.
It’s not impossible. But something has to change when a new person enters your life and you’re trying to make a life with them. You have to dedicate a large portion of your time to that person, it’s a process. That’s perfectly fine. Eventually people get busy with work, family, and life. It just happens. We say things like “we should hang” and then don’t. We’re not evil. We’re growing and sometimes we grow in different directions.
I’m now married and have a child. It’s not possible for me to be the type of friend I used to be especially for a bunch of people. I can send a text here and there and I’ll keep up with social media, and I’ll try to be there for all the important moments but it is what it is. I surround myself with people who get that I’m not being an asshole when I say I’m busy or when I can’t make it to something, and let’s be honest not all friendships can survive that. I had to “ghost” on some of my friends because I found someone I needed to focus on and someone who changed everything. I promise, we’re not bad people, we’re just evolving.