I’m tired of hearing that strong women cannot find love.

I know so many women who are unhappily single. It’s become common for some of these women to say things like “I intimidate men” or “I’m too strong and men can’t handle me”. You’ve probably said this, or thought this, or perhaps you know women like this too. But I have to say, there’s a huge difference between strength and being defensive. There’s a big difference between being skeptical and being paranoid. 

“But I have to say, though you’ll all hate me, strong women can find love. It’s not you’re strength or success that is keeping men away.”

Maybe these women have been hurt, lied to, cheated on, or abused in some way by men in the past. And now, understandably, they have their guards up. Maybe they put love on hold and are focused on their careers, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I have to say, though you’ll all hate me, strong women can find love. It’s not you’re strength or success that is keeping men away. It’s you. Let me explain.
I have never heard a man say they are intimated by a strong and successful woman. Even guys that are up to no good will still turn their heads. It’s a challenge. Or worse case, they’re looking for someone to take care of them. Either way, men will flock for a strong woman, good and bad. It’s your job to weed out the bad ones. Not clump them all in the same pile. If you’re single, I guarantee it’s not because you’re strong. 

“Strength isn’t anger. Strength isn’t fighting.”

Women that have been hurt, and the ones that let those scars define them, say they are stronger and wiser but they are actually scared and paranoid. I’ve been there. But being stronger and wiser means having enough faith in yourself to know you’ll never get yourself in a bad situation again. 
Strength isn’t anger. Strength isn’t fighting. Strength isn’t having an attitude. Strength is not the ability to not need or depend on anyone. When we are hurt, we tend to point out faults in others. We tend to dismiss people quickly. When we are hurt but we think we are actually being strong, but we are blocking our blessings. 

Stop posting quotes/memes bashing men. Stop saying negative things about your ex. In fact, don’t mention him at all. It didn’t work out, be grateful. Stop making a list of impossible qualities that your dream guy will have, when you don’t fit the bill yourself. We all say that we don’t want anyone who will treat us badly, play any games, lie or cheat on us. Yet, we are doing the very same things to ourselves when we are hurt. We act as though we are tough, we lash out at people, we lie to ourselves, and we are cheating ourselves out of happiness.

“Strength, real strength, is letting go.”

People will respect you, if you respect yourself. Part of that, is being happy, allowing yourself to be happy. Strength, real strength, is letting go. Strong people get hurt but they don’t stay hurt. They don’t act hurt and they don’t hurt other people. You can have your wall, but if someone attempts to climb it, you don’t have to set off alarms. You don’t have to scream “intruder”. 

Stand strong. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself that happy ending. You will attract what you give off. Be kind. Smile. Be open. Be honest. I have been hurt. And so, I developed a strategy to prevent heartbreak—a temper. The minute something didn’t feel right, I went off. Anger helped me block out all of the pain. I thought no one could hurt me if I hurt them first. 

I felt like I was in control. I felt like I was stronger than I had ever been before. It was easy for me to walk away. It was easy for me to turn off my feelings. I yelled, I cursed, I threw things. I thought I had won. No one could hurt me. But the truth was, no one could love me. That’s not strength. That’s pain. 

Hurt women cannot find love. Because hurt women are not ready for love. I promise you, when you really love yourself and forgive yourself, when you really let go of the pain, love will find you. 

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