relationships

The cheating double standard. 

The cheating double standard:

It’s no secret that men and women cheat. But for most of us, we’ve been conditioned to think men are primarily the cheaters. Worst of all, that when men cheat, it’s more acceptable and widely more forgivable than if a woman were to cheat. We tend to think that one woman cannot satisfy one man. A man must work very hard at being and staying faithful. That “boys will be boys”. Men are sexual, visual, and have this need to be with multiple partners. Men simply can’t help themselves. I have seen it far too many times, a woman catches her husband or boyfriend or finds out he’s cheating and although she is devastated, she almost always forgives him. Even though they’ll bicker about trust issues for years and years to come, she stays. 

Now, as I mentioned before, both men and women cheat, but yet we seem to only allow men the opportunity to cheat and start over with a clean slate. Perhaps more shocking, we usually blame the “other woman” or “side chick” instead of the men themselves. Why? If we don’t agree with cheating, why do women allow cheating? If a woman were to cheat, she’d be labeled a “hoe” and it’s seen as a great betrayal. Why? Because the consequences are far more severe for women who cheat than for men. 
I’m not fighting for “equal cheating rights”, there’s far more important things we need to fight for equality on, but if we want to level the playing field a bit, might I suggest, we stop being so quick to forgive cheaters? 


Let’s be completely honest, women are not all born faithful, it’s not in our DNA. We have desires, needs, and fantasies too. We find multiple men attractive whether we are in a relationship or not. We work at being faithful. Being faithful is a choice, regardless of what a cheater may say. Am I saying “once a cheater always a cheater”, perhaps not always. But I believe once a cheater in one particular relationship always a cheater in that same relationship. Sorry, but it just becomes easier to cheat again. 


The way in which we handle cheating has got to stop. When a man has been unfaithful to a woman, she goes through three phases—anger, playing hard to get, then desperately available. Let me explain. Women get angry. Whatever that may mean to you—slashing his tires, throwing out his clothes, cursing him out. Then once the storm has died down, for a short period of time they play hard to get. They want to be chased. They want him to beg for forgiveness. This is about the time where men say things like “I can’t live without you” or “she meant nothing to me”. All of a sudden the thrill of being chased, wanted, and desired seems like enough. Women forgive. And then they’re desperately available again. 

And soon, everything appears great on the surface, but women become detectives, spies, and private investigators. It deprives you of happiness. And women think if they monitor their cheating spouses enough, he’ll never cheat again. I’ve seen this cycle so many times. I ask myself why? I’ve asked these women why. The most popular answers are “I don’t want her to have him” (speaking of the other woman) or “we have children”. Do you really think most men would provide the same answers if their wives cheated on them?

Let me explain something to you ladies, men that cheat are not just “cheaters”. They’re actors. They’re liars. They slept well at night knowing they were betraying you and would continue to do so. They made time in your busy lives with work and kids, and found time for someone else. Yet, we forgive, and we forgive so easily. I’m not saying we should never forgive and there are no marriages that have survived cheating, but the way we are mocking cheating men like it’s some sort of a joke, the way we say “boys will be boys”, and worst of all the way we blame the other woman, isn’t doing us any justice.

“If you really really love yourself, it’s impossible to let someone half-love you in this deceptive manner. I’ve been a cheater, in a previous relationship. Eventually my guilt got the best of me and I confessed, but yet I didn’t stop. Because deep down I knew, I needed to get out of that relationship, but didn’t want to commit to that realization, it was just so easy to have my cake and eat it too. Let that sink in. “

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