The rise of the “side-chick”.

Mistresses and affairs have been happening forever, this isn’t something new. But recently there’s been a wave of praise for being the “other woman” aka the side-chick. It’s a regular theme in music, televisions shows, and movies. It’s used so casually, we all just bop our heads and sing a long or make excuses for our favorite characters. Though I don’t think any woman wants to be cheated on, this idea of a “side-chick” is being popularized and normalized in pop culture. There’s two ways to look at a side-chick, you either think she’s an idiot/home wrecker or actually a genius, and honestly I haven’t figured out which side of the fence I’m on.
On one hand, I think to myself, side-chicks must have low self esteem. After all, who wants to be hidden, play second fiddle, or to just be an option? What kind of woman wants to be used primarily for sex and brief encounters? I start to wonder, hasn’t someone taught her self worth or self respect? But again, listening to “side-chick-praising” music and after watching television shows that romanticize such affairs, it’s hard to continue down that path or that way of thinking. What if side-chicks are actually on to something? Our society makes it seem like a vacation compared to marriage.

Who really has it worse? The wife who has no idea what her husband is doing or the side-chick who knows that he is not faithful to anyone? The common question being asked on social media: Does he love the one he lies to or the one he tells the truth to? Is it better to live happily in ignorance or to know the truth? Side-chicks today know their “lovers” are married. They know their place. As mentioned in the song “Weekend” by Sza, wives are the 9-5 and side-chicks are the weekend. In other words, marriage is like a job and the affair is like a party. 

The lyrics are: 

My man is my man is your man

Her, this her man too

My man is my man is your man

Her, that’s her man

Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday

I just keep him satisfied through the weekend

You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend

Make him lose his mind every weekend

You take Wednesday, Thursday

Then just send him my way

Think I got it covered for the weekend

This song is just one of many glamorizing the other woman. Side-chicks don’t have to cook, clean, take care of his children, contribute to bills, wonder where he is or what he’s doing. They don’t “let themselves go”. An affair is sexy, fun, exciting and always feels like the “honeymoon” phase. Our society is drilling this notion that being the “one on the side” is better. Being the side-chick is a lifestyle that’s increasingly becoming a popular choice. Why be a wife, if they’re not even respected? And for men, our society sympathizes with unhappy or unsatisfied men, like Ghost on Power or Fitz on Scandal. 

We say things like “boys will be boys”. We expect men to cheat. We often blame the women. Have you denied him sex? Have you been neglecting to cook extravagant dinners and cater to your man? If not, cheating is your punishment.

As a wife, it’s scary knowing that there are so many women out there willing to be side-chicks. And it’s as though they’re doing a service. That it’s increasingly becoming more and more common for women to date men that are married, contently. For men this is the ultimate “have your cake and eat it too”.  We have broken women down and convinced them that they only deserve broken, unsure,unattainable, love. Why give yourself completely when you can just give yourself in bits and pieces? 

But are side-chicks able to give themselves in bits and pieces because they’re broken or because they’re happier?

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  1. Sidechicks, proceed with caution. There can be an unintended consequences. For example I used to work with a young lady who was a side chick she was dating a married man. She bragged about how much he was disgustestablished with his wife and how she gained weight, but he loved that she was so beautiful and spontaneous. She was 10 years younger as well. She got pregnant and he didn’t leave his wife so she dealt with feeling rejected because he always told her he was “working” on leaving his wife. She was quite a nuisance to his wife as well. She wa’s angry that the wife wanted her child to remain a secret as if the child didn’t exist her child wasn’t allowed around family. She was angry that the husband didn’t force it on his wife either. Well, side chicks always have to know their role. This role was quite defined when he was killed in an accident she was left with a young child. His wife was left with a house and close to one million in life insurance and everything that he owned, she and her baby got nothing. She also didn’t get as much social security because he and his wife had 4 children. So she was a young single mom with limited job skills and limited income. Her lifestyle and that of her child was unmatched compared to his established wife whose husband left EVERYTHING TO HER. The child was 9 months old so he had time and the ability to make changes, but he didnt. And she wasnt allowed at the funeral either. Not too glamorous from this perspective. This doesn’t always happen but I think as far as risk factors the side chick ALWAYS takes more risk than the wife. Maybe the risks are what makes it so exciting.


    1. There are disadvantages for sure and I agree but in the case that you mentioned, side-chicks, the ones that are satisfied being so, wouldn’t have their married lovers child, that’s just an affair where it sounds like she wanted more. I’m primarily speaking about women who never want to take the place of the wife.


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