On my previous post, I interviewed cheating husbands to figure out why they were being unfaithful. If you haven’t read it, click and have a look. In all fairness, both women and men cheat and I wanted to also dive in to why women cheat. Do men and women cheat for the same reasons? After interviewing 10 cheating husbands, the message that “it’s me, not you” was brought forth no matter why they claimed to cheat. Reading between the lines, it seems that the cheating husbands have all kinds of “reasons” to cheat, but what they all have in common is personal issues that they haven’t dealt with, a lack of responsibility for their own actions, and mostly lack of accountability. They also felt less pressure to remain faithful than women. Let’s see if women and men are similar when it comes to cheating. I was only able to find 8 cheating wives and here’s what they had to say…
Kim, 41, married 16 years
“I never really dated the “right” kind of guys growing up. I have been cheated on and mistreated a lot in the past. I had this really passionate relationship in high school but we were constantly making up and breaking up and my family and friends hated him. We eventually split and I met my husband shortly after. He was different. He was honest and caring. He was romantic and thoughtful. He swept me off of my feet. My family and friends immediately accepted him. I was madly in love. But shortly after we were married, the passion just wasn’t there anymore. He’s really caring but it started to feel more like a friendship or like we were roommates. The chemistry just wasn’t there. Now I wonder if the chemistry was ever there or if I lost myself in the moment because someone was finally treating me right and every one loved him. We don’t really fight or have issues it’s just…not passionate. I found an old boyfriend, the one I used to make up and break up with, a few years ago on Facebook and I don’t know how I let it happen but we met twice. I feel guilty but I’m drawn to him”.
Jen, 34, married 8 years
“My husband hasn’t been acting the same for a while now. He started forgetting our anniversaries and we stopped going out like we used to. He’s always coming home late and he just isn’t trying anymore. I was sure that he was cheating. So I checked his phone and went through his stuff but I couldn’t find anything. I even came out and just asked him. He denied it. Two years passed by and I felt like I was going crazy. I tried everything to get us back on track—-vacations, lingerie, and even suggested therapy. Nothing worked. I tried really hard to not stray, I’m just not that type of woman. But recently I was able to confirm my suspicions and in fact he is having an affair and had been having one for years! I can’t explain my lack of a reaction. I always pictured myself burning his clothes or something if he ever cheated. But now I’m having an affair too. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I don’t want to go through a divorce but the way we’re living is nuts”.
Stacey, 38, married 9 years
“My husband has cheated on me twice and I have forgiven him. We go to therapy at our church and he’s a completely different person now. He really has changed for the better. But even though he doesn’t give me a reason to think he’s being unfaithful, I’m always paranoid. I even hired someone to follow him and they only confirmed that he wasn’t cheating on me. But I still can’t trust him completely. Honestly, when I think about him cheating on me, I’m not jealous of the other woman, I’m jealous that he was enjoying his life and I was wasting mine away being a “good wife”. I’m constantly scared that years will pass by and I’ll find out that he had an entire separate life with someone else all the while I was standing still. I don’t know how to explain it really. I’ve had a fling with a coworker and I’m trying to let it go but I’m not sure I can”.
Kate, 29, married 4 years
“My husband and I have been through a lot together. We’ve known each other since we were 11. But recently things have gotten really strained. In the past 2 years there has been a major death in his family, he’s had to switch careers, he’s had a falling out with his father, and I had a miscarriage. It seems like everything is just happening at once. I’m trying to be understanding but he’s gotten cold and is easily angered. We fight all the time. I’m really close to my coworkers and they have been helping me through this rough patch. But recently I’ve starting developing feelings for one of my coworkers. I haven’t done anything yet but I think about him all of the time. I know it’s probably just because I feel alone and I’m trying to not give in to temptation”.
Christy, 39, married 8 years
“I’m sure my husband thinks I have changed a lot since we’ve had kids. I hit him with “I have a headache” or “I’m too tired” a lot whenever he tries to have sex. But the truth is, he’s stopped doing all the things that made me happy. I can’t remember the last time my husband did anything remotely romantic or thoughtful. He’s always on Instagram. We barely talk. The spark has definitely died. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he thinks that all relationships become this way and he calls it “comfortable”. I wasn’t looking for someone to have an affair with but I ended up kissing my best friends brother at her wedding. My husband couldn’t attend because he had to work. And ever since then we’ve been messing around.”
Liz, 36, married 6 years
“I’ve read in your last post that guys like to cheat because they like the “chase”. Well, I can tell you that women loved to be chased too. There’s nothing like when a guy really wants you. When my husband and I were dating and even when we had been dating for 3-4 years he was just interested in everything I had to say, my past, and what I was thinking or feeling. He sent flowers, wrote letters, and called me randomly just to say he loved me or missed me. He always went above and behind on anniversaries or holidays. And now, I know he loves me, but there’s nothing like the way a guy looks at you or the way they treat you when things are still brand new. I miss that. I cheated once because being pursued was thrilling”.
Amanda, 35, married 2 years
“I married my husband because I knew he would make a great husband and father. And I was right. I always thought that eventually the sexual attraction would kick in. My husband is funny, kind, and smart but if I’m honest he’s not my type physically. And since we’ve been married he’s let himself go. I just don’t find him attractive and it kills me because we get along so well. I cheated on him with a mutual friend and I feel really bad about it but I don’t know what to do”.
Toya, 31, married 4 years
“My husband and I have been through a lot. He’s cheated on me multiple times and has had a kid with someone else while we were together. He’s changed his life around and when we got married he swore things would be better. So far he hasn’t cheated from what I know or given me a reason to think he’s cheating. But I’m a different person now. Every thing we’ve been through I thought made us stronger but honestly it’s just made me colder. I have a boyfriend and I don’t even feel guilty about it”.
(Photo credit: Giphy.com)