1. Don’t go to bed angry.
This “golden rule” has been circulating for a long time. It’s probably the most common advice I’ve received over the years but it’s complete BS. If I’m honest, nothing is more annoying than spending hours and hours talking about the same problem and losing sleep over it, especially when the argument is only escalating instead of improving. Finding a solution before bed is sometimes impossible and that’s okay. Not every issue you encounter can be solved in one sitting. Though I hate going to bed angry, I’ve taught myself to end an argument when it seems to be going no where and just continuing it at a better time. Solving a problem should not be a race against the clock. It’s unrealistic and not always the best option.
2. In order to prevent cheating, have a lot of sex.
It’s true that a healthy sex life could be a sign of a healthy relationship but a lot of sex doesn’t always mean a happy couple or great satisfying sex. There are some people that connect physically yet cannot get along. Just as there are couples who have a lot of sex that’s not very satisfying. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that still believe in having sex a lot in order to prevent their partners from straying. But GOOD sex doesn’t always mean every-single-day-sex. In fact, forcing yourself to meet a quota instead of actually enjoying sex could be counterproductive. Sex should be satisfying, not a job and shouldn’t be a way to control your spouses urge to stray. Now, I’m not saying to have less sex or to go without sex for long periods of time, but intimacy is far more likely to encourage a healthy relationship than a robotic sex life. Having sex when the mood feels right is way better than being afraid to skip a day or two in fear that your spouse will cheat. Work on satisfying sex with an open line of communication. Let’s face it, having sex every single day is great if you’re feeling it but it’s not always going to be ideal or possible, and that has to be okay.
3. Marriage should be 50/50.
Lies. Let’s be honest, there are some things I’m better at than my husband and vice versa. Though I don’t believe in traditional roles based on sex (women cook and clean and men provide) I do believe in dividing chores, responsibilities, and bills according to what each of you can provide or offer. Trying to make things fair, isn’t always a numbers game that can simply be split evenly down the middle. Each couple needs to decide what they can offer and what they need from their spouse.
4. Seek professional help only in serious situations.
We tend to think that only couples in serious need of help seek professional guidance but this manner of thinking can prolong problems until they snowball into bigger problems. If you’re arguing about the same thing for more than a few months, set a timeline in which you two hope to come to a solution on your own. If you are unable to come to a solution with in that given time frame, seek help earlier rather than later. For instance, if you’re arguing over money, seek advice from an accountant or take a finance or family budgeting class together.
5. Your spouse should complete you and be the only one to make you happy.
It’s not healthy to rely on someone else to make you or keep you happy. Though your spouse should bring you joy and make your life more enjoyable, they should not be your only source of happiness. Much like mother’s who need to exist outside of motherhood and practicing self-care, wives/husbands need to exist outside of their marriages, too. Date nights are important but so is alone time for yourself. It’s still important to follow through with the things that interest you outside of your relationship. Don’t feel guilty if you have some hobbies and interests that you do not share with your spouse, you’re still an individual and that’s totally fine and healthy.
6. If you’re happily married you’ll never argue.
Arguing is natural. Relationships are always changing and growing and having disagreements are a sign of that. The way you handle these disagreements are a way better way to measure the success of your relationship. Though all couples will have their ups and downs and some fights may be more heated than others, you should be arguing and communicating smarter not dirtier as the years go by.
7. Compromise will solve every problem.
There are just some things you cannot compromise and thinking that compromise will solve everything can lead to a lot of disappointment. What if your spouse wants more children and you do not? It’s not like you can agree to have half a child. What if your spouse wants to move to another country but your roots are firmly planted where you are? Compromise only works when you can meet half way and you both do it happily. Many times couples agree to meet in the middle yet hold a grudge about a particular decision. That’s because we’ve had it drilled in our heads that compromise will fix all things and it’s not always true. Sometimes you will have to say no and sometimes you’ll hear no from your spouse. You will have to make tough decisions that are not always fun or easy.
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